Meet Me At The Altar...

What makes a proper marriage?

Could one really answer that question if they aren’t married? Could one answer that question if they are divorced or separated? Could one answer that question if they are currently in a failing marriage? Is marriage even a valued goal like it was back in the 90s?

Speaking of the 90s, man, I sure miss that 90s R&B love. You know, guys like Avant, Jon B, Carl Thomas, Joe, Tyrese, Usher, Tank, Dru Hill… the list could go on forever. I remember being in grade school, motivated to sing and sound like Usher. I did this just so I could get play from the ladies. Lol, most of the time it worked. Today is different. Media depicts love in ways I could’ve never imagined.

One of my favorite Love stories of all time is in the movie, “The Notebook”. The thing that I love so much about that movie is that it gives a prime example of what it means to be in love. Love is never easy, but always seeming magical. Love also makes you do some of the dumbest things ever. It makes you go through some of the toughest moments that life could bring. However, love is what is always left standing in the end. Now, when you fall in love with someone and decide to marry them, how accurate would it be if I told you that marriage will be the easiest thing in life? I would be completely false. You know why? It’s because no marriage is perfect. In actuality, one definition of marriage is as described:

“a combination or mixture of two elements or people.”

Let’s deal with the “people” part. Every person is subject to their own experiences and flaws. When you bring two flawed forces together, the force is still going to be flawed! Marriage is about two individuals creating a union that involves flaws but welcomes grace. Fawn Weaver, a notable historian and author once said, “The greatest marriages are built on teamwork… a mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.”

This idea of perfect marriages gives us the notion that there are perfect people. Well, no one is perfect. When you’re getting married, the thought is that you’re marrying the unblemished person. The reality is, there will be some blemishes, in fact there will even be some “non-negotiables” that you’ll discover once married. However, speaking from the perspective of a son of a married couple of almost 30 years, I’ve realized that perfection only exists in the essence of True Love.

I’ll be getting married in the year 2023. I can say that I’m excited to be imperfectly, perfect with my Lady. I think what makes a proper marriage is knowing that there will be seasons of Improper within that marriage… & That’s okay. Building a foundation of love and endurance will ignite a sense of longevity after we say, “I do”.

How valuable do you see marriage in our communities? What are some challenges when considering marriage? How exciting can marriage be?

Now Alexa, play “Love U 4 Life” by Jodeci.